Monday, May 30, 2011
Well-Rounded Man: Total Package
So a friend of mine and I have been talking about the esteemed qualities of different "types" of men. The respect and moral compass of a "good" guy, the confidence and thrill of a "bad" guy, etc. My friend, Mike, basically expressed a desire to work to become the "Total Package" or basically the ultimate man (as far as our worldviews are concerned). It was not a concept we tried to build on or develop, but that's what has inadvertently happened. Last week my mind has been processing a lot of things concerning myself and relationships. I came to the conclusion that, while I'm far form perfect, I am a man of worth, I have value, and a female should recognize me as such for any chance of me taking her seriously as far as a relationship. That being said, if you value me in the abstract, it's empty jargon if your actions do not express what you believe in the abstract. If you consider me to be a pearl don't play with me like I'm a marble. While thinking this I thought "this sounds like something you MIGHT hear from a girl (if she has respectable standards) but I've never heard a guy say it. Even if a guy believes it, i've never heard a man blatantly spell it out for a girl. This seemed like an unexposed double standard to me. Why is the female the only one who is a "priceless gem" worth working for? Take note, this is not a gender role thing I am disputing, I just feel like our society perpetuates this notion that a good woman is a priceless jewel, but what do they have to say about a good man? Good parents will tell their son to value their woman... but do they tell their daughters to value their men. There are plenty of faults the general male populace has to fic about themselves, I just wanted to expose the damage we may be doing to our friends/children if we teach men to value women as priceless, but do not teach the same to our women. with that in perspective, I told Mike, how many other double standards do you think there are like that one where if we turn the tables and apply them to ourselves they will result in the process of making us better men? So me and Mike have a goal: to be the total package. To be a good guy who carries himself like a bad boy, who values his worth and purity like a good girl, and who has insights from male and female perspectives. I'll go even further, while I don't agree with it as a lifestyle, even gay males may have something to impart to make us more well rounded men. A man who seeks knowledge from all sages will eventually know all things-self made proverb (obviously not completely accurate or deductive, but you see where I'm going with this). Onward to self-improvement and personal betterment! Through it all, may God be glorified.
The Anger Delusion
Insight: Sometimes we make ourselves mad, not because we are genuinely, but we feel we deserve to be, are entitled to be, or ought to be. We want to be angry because it gives us a false sense of empowerment that seems to hide our hurt and weaknesses.We want to be angry because society has told us we should be regardless of how we actually feel. We get angry to protect ourselves from being seen as prey or pushovers by others. I won't. I refuse. If I am angry, let it be righteous and let it be sincere. My society dictates what I do and how I think more then I want it to already... but I won't let it have this! Giving it to God...
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Waiting for Change
Waiting for people to change is like watching the grass grow; the difference is I am not emotionally invested in grass.
Waiting for people to change is like waiting for the cows too come home; the difference is that cows do not determine what makes that house a home.
Waiting for people to change is like waiting for the Eagles to win a Superbowl; the difference is the Eagles have a new shot every season, but we are not so lucky.
Waiting for people to change is like waiting for bread to mold; the difference is, while disgusting, mold is not a painful process to endure--just boring.
Waiting for people to change is like anticipating a mystery novel, because you are never certain of the outcome.
Waiting for people to change is like waiting for tomorrow, because you hope it will come but nothing is promised.
Waiting for people to change is like what Sam Cooke sang, because it'll be a long time coming.
Waiting for you to change while the world passes me by. Waiting for you to change or for pigs to fly?
Waiting for people to change is like waiting for the cows too come home; the difference is that cows do not determine what makes that house a home.
Waiting for people to change is like waiting for the Eagles to win a Superbowl; the difference is the Eagles have a new shot every season, but we are not so lucky.
Waiting for people to change is like waiting for bread to mold; the difference is, while disgusting, mold is not a painful process to endure--just boring.
Waiting for people to change is like anticipating a mystery novel, because you are never certain of the outcome.
Waiting for people to change is like waiting for tomorrow, because you hope it will come but nothing is promised.
Waiting for people to change is like what Sam Cooke sang, because it'll be a long time coming.
Waiting for you to change while the world passes me by. Waiting for you to change or for pigs to fly?
I could wait, I want to wait, but I shouldn't--I can't.
I hope someday you change and you'll take my hand.
Until then, my dear, I will wander away,
Hoping I may, in time, see that day.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Consumed but Unscathed
I feel Your fire consuming me from within.
My soul bathes in the flames of Your Spirit.
Cleansing me, purging me, releasing me from iniquity.
The sensational burning, the overwhelming intensity.
Your bleeding sacrifice set ablaze as if called down by the prophet Elijah.
Scorched for my shame, that the same flame would transport me to the heavenlies.
Engulfed by embers of holiness, forged as a blade tempered in hot coals.
Touched by the same hot coal used to sanctify the mouth of Isaiah.
Shining red steel, glowing from Your luminescent Presence like Moses at Sinai.
You ignite in me wildfires of compassion, You spark in me bonfires of zeal.
I am baptized as the three Hebrew boys in the Assyrian furnace.
But I am as they were-- as the burning bush was--consumed but unscathed.
My soul bathes in the flames of Your Spirit.
Cleansing me, purging me, releasing me from iniquity.
The sensational burning, the overwhelming intensity.
Your bleeding sacrifice set ablaze as if called down by the prophet Elijah.
Scorched for my shame, that the same flame would transport me to the heavenlies.
Engulfed by embers of holiness, forged as a blade tempered in hot coals.
Touched by the same hot coal used to sanctify the mouth of Isaiah.
Shining red steel, glowing from Your luminescent Presence like Moses at Sinai.
You ignite in me wildfires of compassion, You spark in me bonfires of zeal.
I am baptized as the three Hebrew boys in the Assyrian furnace.
But I am as they were-- as the burning bush was--consumed but unscathed.
Sunday, May 22, 2011
Struggling Faith, Unwavering Faithfulness
Sometimes, in the course of my deep contemplations, I ponder God, Christian faith, and truth and existence of it all. While I am convinced of the existence of God, sometimes I struggle with the truth of Christianity. There is good reasons and evidence to support the resurrection of Christ, but am I certain it happened? Jesus said he would be coming back, but it has been over 2,000 years and we're still waiting. I've witnessed miracles, have verified prophecies, and have seen the supernatural, and yet I continue to ask myself, "Is it all really real?"
Sometimes I am so sure of my faith, at other times I question it.
Today I have made a conclusion; my intellectual faith is unreliable and prone to fail. However, I am also convinced that true faith goes beyond logical deductions and rational reasonings. While intellect is part of the make up, I have determined that true faith is deeper than that, transcending abstract belief and comprehension. I have questions, reservations, and doubts, but I have made the decision that I will hold fast to the teachings of Christ and will do my beast to workout my faith despite of all that. I will strive to live a life of prayer, meditation, and fasting. I will press to live a holy life in the public and private sphere. I will bear the burden of social justice. I will seek God's face through His revelation[s] and will daily aim to love Him with all my heart, all my soul, and all my might, and to love my neighbor as myself. I firmly believe that God will be more pleased with the man who struggles with doubt but is devoted to a life of faith than a man whose beliefs are unwavering yet unpracticed.
My mind is finite and my heart is deceitful, but the Word of the LORD is eternal. Therefore, though my faith may (at times) be lacking I will not let it stop me from being FAITHFUL to the Word. Holy Spirit, may you bind this to my heart, that I may live a life of faith even when I struggle to believe. Amen.
James 2: 14-19 (NIV)
14 What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? 15 Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. 16 If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? 17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. 18 But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.”
Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. 19 You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.
Not Alone
Jesus has a very special love for you. As for me, the silence and the emptiness is so great that I look and do not see, listen and do not hear.— Mother Teresa to the Rev. Michael Van Der Peet, September 1979
Friday, May 20, 2011
I Want to Go Deeper
I want to go deeper... see,
Your love is like an ocean and I want to rest in the crevice of its Mariana Trench.
The deepest point below the sea, that's how deep I want to be.
I want to lie in Your peace as if my soul were in coma sleep.
The deepest form of conscious stillness, that's how deep I want to be.
I want to make You my sole focus like monastic meditation.
The deepest notion of devotion, that's how deep I want to be.
I want You to burn within me like magma with Your Spirit as my inner core.
The deepest level beneath earth's surface, that's how deep I want to be.
No, I want to go deeper, I want to be a man after Your own heart!
I want to go deeper, I want to be baptized in Your very Presence!
I want to go deeper, I want to live by Your divine Pathos!
I want to go deeper, I want them to see You before they can see me!
Lord, take this shallow man with his shallow heart and his shallow faith,
And draw Him deep into Your spring of living water,
Where He can be submerged in the floodgates of Heaven.
I want to go deeper, and deeper still.
Your love is like an ocean and I want to rest in the crevice of its Mariana Trench.
The deepest point below the sea, that's how deep I want to be.
I want to lie in Your peace as if my soul were in coma sleep.
The deepest form of conscious stillness, that's how deep I want to be.
I want to make You my sole focus like monastic meditation.
The deepest notion of devotion, that's how deep I want to be.
I want You to burn within me like magma with Your Spirit as my inner core.
The deepest level beneath earth's surface, that's how deep I want to be.
No, I want to go deeper, I want to be a man after Your own heart!
I want to go deeper, I want to be baptized in Your very Presence!
I want to go deeper, I want to live by Your divine Pathos!
I want to go deeper, I want them to see You before they can see me!
Lord, take this shallow man with his shallow heart and his shallow faith,
And draw Him deep into Your spring of living water,
Where He can be submerged in the floodgates of Heaven.
I want to go deeper, and deeper still.
Adversity Within
I can feel him breathing on my neck slowly.
The diversity of my adversity closes the distance.
Beneath me, within me, his hunger is growing.
To devour my power to be successful and vigilant.
He is the fool that hinders the practice of wisdom.
He is the sloth that slows the pace of the disciplined.
The great distraction, the strong impulsion.
The confusing illusion that pursues amusement before duty.
He hides in the quicksand of procrastination.
His desire is disaster for organization.
He is sworn to mediocrity, steadfast in apathy,
He lives by the creed of pragmatic inadequacy.
He is me, and I am him. Intrinsically a foe and friend.
The day I die this war will end. I live in war from now 'til then.
The diversity of my adversity closes the distance.
Beneath me, within me, his hunger is growing.
To devour my power to be successful and vigilant.
He is the fool that hinders the practice of wisdom.
He is the sloth that slows the pace of the disciplined.
The great distraction, the strong impulsion.
The confusing illusion that pursues amusement before duty.
He hides in the quicksand of procrastination.
His desire is disaster for organization.
He is sworn to mediocrity, steadfast in apathy,
He lives by the creed of pragmatic inadequacy.
He is me, and I am him. Intrinsically a foe and friend.
The day I die this war will end. I live in war from now 'til then.
The Truth
Don’t say it doesn’t exist, ‘cause it does, otherwise it couldn’t be a true statement.
Don’t act like it’s an opinion, it’s not.
Don’t hide it like your ashamed of it.
Don’t pretend like you are it, because pride is built on deception.
Don’t run from it, come get it.
Don’t despise it—embrace it, or if nothing else change it (if you can).
Don’t keep it a secret, but speak it.
Don’t reject it, accept it. Denial will lead you on a path of lies.
Don’t try to twist it, or you might just miss it.
It is what it is. It’s not what it’s not.
THE TRUTH
Don’t act like it’s an opinion, it’s not.
Don’t hide it like your ashamed of it.
Don’t pretend like you are it, because pride is built on deception.
Don’t run from it, come get it.
Don’t despise it—embrace it, or if nothing else change it (if you can).
Don’t keep it a secret, but speak it.
Don’t reject it, accept it. Denial will lead you on a path of lies.
Don’t try to twist it, or you might just miss it.
It is what it is. It’s not what it’s not.
THE TRUTH
Your Silence
Your Silence, like ecstasy, fills me.
Enthralls me, causing nauseating empathy.
Because Your words are spoken quietly.
Like sign language that only the heart can see.
It builds in me a surpassing compassion,
Passing all passion for vanity.
Insanity to all who stare and compare me
To their standards unaware of my very testimony.
But if they only truly knew me and what You’ve done for me.
To me, in me, despite me and all my iniquity.
They would understand a man who is broken,
Who chose to stand for the Lamb who was chosen,
To be accused at the stand for the faithless and hopeless.
An emotional token of God’s divine love.
Lead to the slaughter the Lamb remained Silent.
He remained quiet in the midst of the violence.
Accused by riots, condemned by Pilate.
And that is how You speak to us now Lord, Silence.
Yet You are steadily speaking, readily reaching,
Out to the doubters and empowering weaklings.
Their firing ranges and pain raining beatings
Could not defeat the blood of the Lamb who redeemed me.
I Won’t be phased by the many ways they curse me.
I will not fear the mouth of the one who comes to devour.
The resounding sound of their screams may deafen me,
But the power found in Your Silence is louder.
No, I won’t be deterred by the scourging of flesh.
They may burn me to death or cut off my head.
But I’m so truly convinced I am saved by His Name,
And to live is in Christ, and to die is my gain.
So as the storm raged while you slept on the boat.
As You held Your voice after the prophets had spoke.
I will wait on You Lord, as the world turns away.
Meditating on Your words both night and day,
In the Silence, where You speak the loudest.
My First Love
Her thoughts are like the strokes of a paintbrush,
Painting the perfect picture in my mind’s eye.
She opens the window to my cerebrum, ha,
The resulting draft blows my mind.
I dance to her Hip-Hop heart beat,
And I sing along to her Neo-Soul.
She vibes to blue rhythms, yeah
and rocks out to rock & roll.
She speaks in poems and talks in riddles.
She even writes a little.
Her voice dances upon my ears.
It’s graceful and elegant to hear.
Her speech is like classical ballet.
but her whisper is like a slow waltz.
Her vocal chords out-range a piano.
When we converse it becomes a sweet melody,
Resembling that of Gospel choir harmony.
The works of her hands are pure artistry.
Her name is like deep, smooth grooves,
That a craftsman has etched into my heart.
She will always be my first love,
My first love’s name is Art.
Painting the perfect picture in my mind’s eye.
She opens the window to my cerebrum, ha,
The resulting draft blows my mind.
I dance to her Hip-Hop heart beat,
And I sing along to her Neo-Soul.
She vibes to blue rhythms, yeah
and rocks out to rock & roll.
She speaks in poems and talks in riddles.
She even writes a little.
Her voice dances upon my ears.
It’s graceful and elegant to hear.
Her speech is like classical ballet.
but her whisper is like a slow waltz.
Her vocal chords out-range a piano.
When we converse it becomes a sweet melody,
Resembling that of Gospel choir harmony.
The works of her hands are pure artistry.
Her name is like deep, smooth grooves,
That a craftsman has etched into my heart.
She will always be my first love,
My first love’s name is Art.
Uncertianty
You are the hope I have in the hopeless.
You are the doubts I have in my faith.
Chance is a blind man with no cane.
Risk is a mysterious seductress.
You are the bastard child of the two.
A canopy of confusion, a smog of deception.
Let a man’s yes be yes, let his no be no, but you are the source of his maybe’s and probably's.
You are the tennis match of my mind,
Going back and forth with ideas without conclusion, solution, or resolution.
You are the wrecking ball of confidence, the driving force of insanity.
You are a seed of of low-self-esteem.
When ripe you become the fruit of indecisiveness.
I wish I could get rid of you, but I’m afraid if I do,
The choice chosen or truth’s revelation will be the opposite of my own desire.
So for now I continue to wrestle with my own uncertainty.
You are the doubts I have in my faith.
Chance is a blind man with no cane.
Risk is a mysterious seductress.
You are the bastard child of the two.
A canopy of confusion, a smog of deception.
Let a man’s yes be yes, let his no be no, but you are the source of his maybe’s and probably's.
You are the tennis match of my mind,
Going back and forth with ideas without conclusion, solution, or resolution.
You are the wrecking ball of confidence, the driving force of insanity.
You are a seed of of low-self-esteem.
When ripe you become the fruit of indecisiveness.
I wish I could get rid of you, but I’m afraid if I do,
The choice chosen or truth’s revelation will be the opposite of my own desire.
So for now I continue to wrestle with my own uncertainty.
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