Sometimes, in the course of my deep contemplations, I ponder God, Christian faith, and truth and existence of it all. While I am convinced of the existence of God, sometimes I struggle with the truth of Christianity. There is good reasons and evidence to support the resurrection of Christ, but am I certain it happened? Jesus said he would be coming back, but it has been over 2,000 years and we're still waiting. I've witnessed miracles, have verified prophecies, and have seen the supernatural, and yet I continue to ask myself, "Is it all really real?"
Sometimes I am so sure of my faith, at other times I question it.
Today I have made a conclusion; my intellectual faith is unreliable and prone to fail. However, I am also convinced that true faith goes beyond logical deductions and rational reasonings. While intellect is part of the make up, I have determined that true faith is deeper than that, transcending abstract belief and comprehension. I have questions, reservations, and doubts, but I have made the decision that I will hold fast to the teachings of Christ and will do my beast to workout my faith despite of all that. I will strive to live a life of prayer, meditation, and fasting. I will press to live a holy life in the public and private sphere. I will bear the burden of social justice. I will seek God's face through His revelation[s] and will daily aim to love Him with all my heart, all my soul, and all my might, and to love my neighbor as myself. I firmly believe that God will be more pleased with the man who struggles with doubt but is devoted to a life of faith than a man whose beliefs are unwavering yet unpracticed.
My mind is finite and my heart is deceitful, but the Word of the LORD is eternal. Therefore, though my faith may (at times) be lacking I will not let it stop me from being FAITHFUL to the Word. Holy Spirit, may you bind this to my heart, that I may live a life of faith even when I struggle to believe. Amen.
James 2: 14-19 (NIV)
14 What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? 15 Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. 16 If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? 17 In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead. 18 But someone will say, “You have faith; I have deeds.”
Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by my deeds. 19 You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.
Not Alone
Jesus has a very special love for you. As for me, the silence and the emptiness is so great that I look and do not see, listen and do not hear.— Mother Teresa to the Rev. Michael Van Der Peet, September 1979
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